Harry the Morgue Songtext

He seen, let us say, a lot of things,
A vaginal swab on a murder-rape victim,
A man decapitated by a samurai sword,
A baby suffocated by a crazy nurse on children's ward,

He learned learned his trade from Mr. Stiching Van Bor,
An Austrian who survived three major wars,
Who was 72, still worked the trade,
Harry watched him longingly,
Nine to seven each day,

Harry had no personal life,
He was 32-years-old,
Collected Stanley knives,
Owned a complete set of pro wrestling magazine,
Fantasied about women suffocating him with polyethylene,

He ate the same meal,
Every night,
Chicken with no sauce, On Sundays he had apple pie,

Once Wendy Hayes waved at him,
From the morgue's side gate,
He went home and did it to himself,
Three times straight,

One day he learned what it means to care,
When he saw Van Bor combing across his pubic hair,
And finally he learned what love truly really means,
And he felt sad that he had not felt it,
And never would or so it seemed,

So he had a plan that would get him love,
He had a dream of Van Bor looking down at him from above,
That night he cut his wrists open wide,
Stayed awake for an hour, but still he didn't die,
So he grabbed a hold of one of his favorite Stanley knives,
He stabbed it in his throat,
And soon after he died,

When Harry the Morgue,
Was laid out on the table,
Mr. Stichings Van Bor did what he was able,
To patch up the gashes on Harry's neck and arms,
To preserve a peaceful look,
After he was embalmed,
It was a difficult job,
Harry had cut him deep,
But in the end it looked like,
He had died in his sleep,

But Van Bor never combed Harry's pubic hair,
This time he went about his business,
With a strictly professional air,

So Harry died,
With his one wish left unfulfilled,
Had no close family,
Didn't leave a will,

18 people came to his funeral service,
Mostly curious observers and his Uncle Jervis,
Who was a religious man,
Spoke of the sin of suicide,
Eating a gherkin,
He talked about the day his wife Janis died,
People listened, but really they wanted to get away,
Jervis was boring in an old man kind of way,

Next day in the church,
Irish Pete and Sue got married,
Few people gave a thought,
To poor old Harry,
Pete and Sue had five kids,
Three of which survived,
Pete lived until he was 75,
Died soon after Sue died,

They left their fortune,
To their two remaining sons,
One of whom is still alive,
Working as a car salesman,