I Hope I Sell A Lot Of Records At Christmastime Songtext

clearI'm half Jewish I shouldn't even be talkin about this time of yearBut I'm near tears tryin to fund my record label careerWhile everyone drinks beer like they at CheersMakin Nintendo betson debts from bad rekkid deals for real I'm probably nextI'm here sweatin my ass off, it's JulyBut by the time this comes out I'll be behind my release schedule andMariah Christmas will be sellin' out- why?I never did nothin bad to nobodyI'm still friends wit hall my Ex's who stole money (Aw honey)Don't aw honey me Just give me the money pleaseOne of those cards with a pocket for cashA big stash or check to cash I'll snatch it before you realize you acted rash and come at me all madI've been good, well pretty good, at least in my mindPlease let me sell a lot of records at ChristmastimeCHORUS: Lalala La La La LaThere's one Christmas StarPrincess Superstar!Ho Ho Ho!Who you callin' a Ho?Look, I'm too poor to afford life size cut out cardboard of me poured into a size 4With a floppy Santa hat on the record store floorWant ace product placement listenin station so while I'm on vacationI got my face on Raisin Brans round the nationI'm impatient need my wax to sell by the casesLike Mase's in God's good graces I'll be graciousJust let me retire with his wagesI'm not aimless I wanna be A-listHang out with someone famous, then my friends and I would all have someone to date usLike Tom Hanks, Billy Blanks, Shabba Ranks or any of the Franks-Stallone, Purdue, Avalon, or Delanor RooBill Gates too-(Ew) It's true, all I gotta do is sell throughGo on tour then put out a live record real quick like Frampton or BaduI got a cold, it's gonna be Xmas soon and I'm getting oldHi Tower? Hi it's me again, how many units we sold?You mean we didn't go platinum or like gold?(Beep beep) Oh-that's my Rolls-Yo wait I'm on a payphone please don't even try to put me on hold!!CHORUSOk you're all listening to my song that's a good signSo either you bought it, it's on the radio or your friend is sayin ha ha listen to this funny songThat's fineBut if that's the case don't even think about the blank tapeTake a date with your lazy ass go to Virgin or Other Music they close lateAnd in case you don't make it visit my website blah blah dot comSee old sexy pictures of me, order my record and buy the clean version for your momSanta, just one hit, one seasonal favorite-One tear jerker piece of commercial shit for the ages or just enough to get an agentWatch how fast I'd sell out, get the cash get the hell outBe on VH-1 Where are They Now Eatin' filet mignons by the poundRound baby, Fat and gettin' down babyNo need to fit in fancy clothes nowHey get the Camera crews off my grounds!Call me flash in the pan, the blonde chick who thought she could rhymePlease, just let me sell a lot of records at Christmastime!