Scroll 5 Songtext
The Fifth Scroll — The Papal Pagan

All imperial elites retain the prerogative to dispatch the less socially adjusted elements of their officer classes abroad, where the locals are too unrefined to notice, or too frightened to remark, when the port is passed the wrong way around the mess hall dining table. In keeping with this tradition, the destructive, reclusive and evasive Dublin career criminal Martin Cahill, a nuisance at home, is sent across the water, to be a nuisance there — to serve, effectively, as both England's crisis and Ireland's opportunity.

The Rathmines Pimpernel is fatally tempted by this offer of respectability. Cahill's gangland honorific, "General", is officially confirmed by Ireland's erratic presidential [???] of Dana Scallon, Johnny Logan and Louis Walsh. Cahill is further endowed with the title of military attaché, laden with gold braid, and installed in a confiscated estate near Victoria Station, staffed by appropriately timorous native serfs.

Power, Cahill swiftly discovers, is much less fun when it isn't challenged. Inevitably, he becomes bored, and ashamed by the comparison of his gilded contentment with the illustrious struggles of previous emissaries. He is uncheered even when a song celebrating his rule and his wisdom becomes a sixth consecutive Eurovision winner for popular crooner Owen Harris. Cahill's contribution to the scrolls is, in part, unbearably poignant; a lament to possibility wasted.