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Yeah Man, this year is fucking killing me Being trapped in this fucking house? I'm losing it Stab myself in the neck to see how quick I bleed out (ow) That's how I bored I been in quarantine stuck in a fucking house Good thing I got a pound of drugs up under the couch If I didn't, shit, I woulda lost my mind by now (yeah) So bored that I stapled my own dick to the floor (ooh) Just to see what would happen (fuck) and I can't piss anymore So my bladder backed up and exploded up in my body (ugh) But I picked up surgery as my quarantine hobby (haha) So I managed to tape it up and stapled it shut And rerouted my urethra, now I pee through my butt Webby, seriously dog, like what the fuck? My bad, I'm on drugs, I'm just making this up (true) I went MILF hunting at Whole Foods with whole plans Hadn't gotten laid in weeks, I was ready to go ham Tried to fuck a cougar but settled for roast ham And by that I mean, actually fucking a roast ham I put on a Trojan and grabbed it with both hands (oh yeah) And lubed that bitch up with a can of cold spam (ugh) Gave it a few thrusts (ugh), got a quick nut Till they called the pigs up (oh shit), then I just zipped up and I ran (skedaddle) Now that's a triple pork entendre SongtexteProbably got like eighty seven baby mommas (yeah), that's why I will always stay changing my numbers (who's my dad) Mmh, nah, I'll just let him wonder, kinda kidding But what's a future with some kids in my plans? I mean, our only common interest is shitting our pants and sucking our tits And regularly having women wiping down and touching our dicks (Yo, you bugging for this) I went on the dark web drunk the other night And woke up with a brand new Ukrainian wife Gotta be honest, at first, shit was pretty uncomfortable So I loosened her up with that classic Cliff Huxtable (here, drink this) That's a roofie joke, that's cool in 2020, right? (Right?) No? I'm just tryna keep it light (oh shit) But it's hard to read the room, shit I got terrible sight Can I at least make jokes about transvestites Or would that make me a dick, get it? Make me a dick (haha) And all these uptight buttholes are making me sick (fuck you) I'm in the gender neutral bathroom taking a shit Door open, sitting there waving and shit (hi) Like hi kids, do you like sirens? Hang around with me enough, you'll see police officers and firemen Following me driving, swerving till they piling On top of each other as I just speed away smiling (yeah) 'Cause Webby so ridiculous, crazy as a bitter bitch That I haven't texted back since I gave her syphilis (fuck you, Chris) And gonorrhea, I ain't know I was infected But it's all good, at least I've been coronavirus tested (true) Swabbed on my dick, then I went and post-marked it Priority mail, right to the Wuhan market Pretty sure I'll pass, I've been wearing a mask And been healthy on a diet, eating nothing but bat (delicious) On my Ozzy Osbourne, just a child of the corn They mistook me for some kinda devil that's in human form Till I bleached my red skin and I sawed off my horns, 'cause All I do is sin, take drugs, and watch porn Got a Craigslist hooker just to talk to her Thought it would be chill, but nothing coulda been awkwarder All I needed was someone to listen to what I said "Get a therapist!", she told me, while giving me head Yeah, I got a lotta problems but I never let 'em get to me Fart on elevators and I blame the woman next to me (gross) All for gender equality as long as that includes A bitch doing my laundry and getting my dishes washed for me Honestly, I'm just motherfucking kicking up dust Just to do it, so you can go and lick on my nuts You can find me all high in my car getting puffed Either there or at the dog park sniffing butts Yeah, I'm frigging nuts, do you not get it? (Get it) Shit, I always was, then you add a pandemic When I'm locked in the crib with mad pills, free time, and no chill But fuck it, we going crazier still, now here's a hook, so Follow my lead and do what I do (come on) Snort a buncha cocaine and run around nude (yeah) Jump in the gorilla enclosure up at the zoo (do it) You show up, black out to your work interview, so Follow my lead and say what I say (say it) Piss off any and everybody that's in the way (fuck it) Who gives a fuck? Shit, the world is ending any day Shit, I forgot to write a last line, fuck it Aus Songtexte Mania