Print

[Host]: Ugghhh... Hello, and welcome to what I pray is the final episode of Talking Video Games [Audience]: *clapping* [Host]: Don't! Don’t clap for their asses... Today our topic, like always, is games with simple plots [Sora]: Hi, I'm Sora from Kingdom Hea- [Host]: No! You shut your mouth! I'm starting with our other guests first! Guests, please tell us your name and the SIMPLE plot of your game [Arkanoid Capsule]: Hey, I’m the capsule from Arkanoid, as far as I can tell I'm a tube, and a ball bounces off me [Audience]: *clapping* [Ms. Pac-Man]: I'm Ms. Pac-Man! I'm Pac-Man with a bow! [Audience]: *clapping* [Host]: Okay Sora, did you see how it's done? Tell me the plot of your game, real simple, just like that [Sora]: You got it! Cue the music! [Host]: NO, DON'T CUE THE MUSIC! Kairi washes up on the shore Completely unaware of what the heck is in store Then Destiny Islands blows up from the war Of the heartless little evil guys that run on all fours I'm already lost, who are these people and places? I'll tell you later buddy, I’m already off to the races I’m now in Traverse Town, with Goofy and Donald Duck From the Disney movies? Yes! What exactly the fuck? I'm a keyblade wielder and they need my ability SongtexteSealing keyholes of worlds, restoring all the tranquility This is not making sense It’s a little hard to follow Everything will come together in the Bastion of Hollow Let me get this straight, it's Mickey Mouse and You (Nope) With all your Heartless friends defending all that's true (Wrong) Now it is your destiny to cut up a bunch of keys Cause this is Final Fantasy! (Not even close) So I'm looking for Riku while I’m out on my quest Do I know him? He's my best friend! Hashtag blessed Well actually he's evil it was just a facade Now he's my arch enemy Oh my fucking god! Now we are traveling to Hollow Bastion we go Run into Riku, OH NO! possessed by Ansem and so He's after Princess Kairi And then I really try to be A hero so I die to free Her heart that's deep inside of me Tell me why Ansem even wants Kairi? Why is the princess human if a mouse is king? Are you some kind of buccaneer? If you died how are you here? Please kill me with the nearest spear! (Oh I'll clear it up) So I turned into a heartless, then brought back by Kairi's power We escaped to the end of the world, a place that's really dour Ansem followed us there 'cause his plan finally starts to flower As Kingdom Hearts appears making every person quake and cower What is Kingdom Hearts? It's a door and also a moon But there's another one, and it's a moon, but not like the first moon Anyway, Ansem thinks that Kingdom Hearts has tons of bad stuff But it opens and he melts from all the goodness That's tough! Then we find out it's a doorway venting evil fast But it was filled with light and stuff? It's better not to ask Me and Mickey Mouse sealed up the door from both sides with our keys And that's the basic premise of my game! No questions please! My god, this plot is all that I can take I want to cry and jerk off into some pancakes But I must swallow all the hate I give up this is my fate As host of Talking Video Games [Producer]: The ratings are in... show's cancelled [Host]: Tits! Fuck yes! I mean... no! oh no! Aus Songtexte Mania