Print

Class of '99Drink boozeIf i could offer you only one tip for the future, boozing would be it.The long term effects of heavy boozing can be dangerous, but don't worry about that for now.My other advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.I will dispense this advice. Now.Crime is good, if you can get away with it, do it.If you can do anything that gets you money without hurting anyone else, even better.In 20 years when you look back at photos of yourself and recall in a boozy woozy haze how much money you could have robbed and say what in the name of janey maesus was i wearing.Yes, you do have a huge fat arseDrink a half bottle of gin every morning, that way you won't feel like such a loserVideo-tape the show upwardly mobile, it's very humorous and you'll miss it when it's goneDo one thing every day with somebody else's spouseWhingeGive people you sleep with the phone number of Supermac's and say your real name is MorrisFooilzDon't waste time on scratch cardsMix your drinks, it's a cheaper buzzDon't puke when boozing, or you're a total ponce or a stupid girlRemember compliments you receive, beat the living daylights out of anyone who insults youKeep your old love letters; throw away your used condomsSongtexteBelchDon't feel guilty if you knock someone up, they'll blame it on Morris from SupermacsIf see a girl with an arse that smiles at you smack it, all women lovet hat despite what they might sayThe most interesting people i know let me be the centre of attentionStalk someoneCause a loud fuss in shops;it's a total laugh so it isMaybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll talk someone into a bit of hoojah without any svings, jeepers lads its better than paying for itWhatever you do don't be nice to foreign students. They are loud and noisy and they are probably better looking that you. Give them the wrong directionsEnjoy someone else's body, use it every way you can. Try and talk them into things they don't look they do, and they willGet your own wayIf someone skips you in a queue, follow them home, piss on their doorstep, and let all the air down in their wheelsDo not read porno magazines, women won't ever do those things for youBe nice to your parents, they have more dirt on you than you knowDon't be nice to your siblings, they secretly hate you and always will, they just want you for free baby sitting and their children are smellyUnderstand that friends must go, especially those ones that wear baseball caps and sunglasses on the top of their headKick small dogs; they're only a small step up from verminDrop your trousers at parties and walk around, the older you get the funnier that becomesLive in cork city once, but leave before it makes you woollyDon't ever live in Carlow, it's a total dump full of scumbagsGo awayAccept certain truths, punts will disappear, politicians will get caught, you too will get old, and when they do they will release another compilation of songs you already haveScratch your crotch and drool on the train, that way you'll always have the seat to yourselfUrinate in public places, don't expect anyone else to support you while you do itAlways cheat in your exams, it shows initiativeRemember everyone is a filthy liar in their own wayDon't mess too much with yourself or by the time you're 40 you'll be blindUgly and or fat girls are easy; they are also more grateful and have to try harderStolen goods are great valu. Getting them is like breaking into a house, getting the stereo and video, making sure you get away, and selling them for less than they are worthBut trust me on the boozing Aus Songtexte Mania