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Over 2000 years agoWhen dinosaurs ruled the landA baby with a beard was bornAnd that baby became a manAnd that man who was born on Christmas DayHe seemed to have a planHe said: "I'm going to start a religion offAnd call it Christian... ity"And 2000 years laterI went and wrote this songUsing words and melodiesTo tell you what went onGod came down from the skyWith a little drop of pre-cum in His Jap's eye(His Jap's eye, His Jap's eyeA little drop of pre-cum in His holy Jap's eye)He said: "I need to find a ladyShe can't be a munta orA total rotten slag or a filthy fucking whoreI need a virgin lady and she's got to be pureWith a sausage wallet that has not been used beforeSo, Joseph, Joseph, will you give me your word?You haven't doinked her, Joseph?Come on, give us a go with your bird"SongtexteJoseph said: "Mary's pure, she is a virginI've never got my knob beyond those outside flaps of skinIt's not for want of trying though, much to my chagrinShe let me buff it round the edges but I've never stuck it inSo, go on, God, give her one from mePump her full of Jesus juice and make a babyThe holiest baby in history - J-E-S-U-S-C-H-R-I-S-T"Oh, Jesus, JesusHe's a baby with a beardJesus, JesusOut of Mary's sausage wallet he just appearedIt always seems so clear to meThe most Christmassy baby in historyWas a baby with a beard and it was JesusAnd what if Jesus Christ was born here today?In the modern day on a Christmas Day?I'm sure that he would say "take those poxy gifts awayBack on Santa's sleigh 'cause they are proper gay'Cause I don't want gold, frankincense and myrrhThey're a bag of wank, I would much preferAn iPod Touch, a flatscreen TVAnd Grand Theft Auto for Playstation 3'Cause he's Jesus, JesusHe's a baby with a beardJesus, JesusOut of Mary's sausage wallet he just appearedIt always seems so clear to meThe most hirstute-ist baby in historyWas a baby with a beard and it was JesusAnd if it was me who got a bird up the duffBy unconsciencly shagging her muffIt wouldn't be a JesusIt would be a bastard, raped baby son of a cunt Aus Songtexte Mania