Momus
Lucky Like St. Sebastian
Once upon a time there was a man called SaulWho persecuted Christians until he sawThe work was bearing fruit for the ChristiansSo the man changed his opinions & his Christian name to Paul& he wrote important chapters in the BibleBut the blood on his writing hand reeked to high heaven& Paul resolved to dieSo he wrote to friends in RomeA senator who owed him a favorAsking for an executionerSo Paul could make his exit as a martyrThe senator sent this answer:"Should you be so lucky like St SebastianPreferring the ache to the aspirinSwooning as they shoot the arrowsThrough your narrow chestStripping naked in the Circus MaximusWith a martyr-eating lionessBartering with flesh for a little pain -Scenes like this give sadomasochism a bad name!"Once there was a man who loved a woman too muchTo give up hope when he saw she wouldn't touch him with a barge poleSongtexteHe spent his whole life in the InfernoHe composed in thirty-four cantosO Dante though I'm anti such romantic speculationI'm your hypocrite reader in the same situationI'm your doubleMe, I'm your brother in painBut Alighieri if you'll listen there's a differenceBetween your Beatrice & my PaulaShe's anonymous & now a waitressIt's comic but not divineThe tragedy is no-one 's dying!Should I be so lucky like St SebastianGoing out with a bang, just hear meWhimpering with joy as Mr Death receives his blue-eyed boySurrender unto Caesar or to God, it makes no oddsThere's just one thing the martyr wants to say:"Tell me, Mrs Lincoln,Did you enjoy the play?"
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