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I was on board my flight with EasyJetIt was really cheapI'd had a skinful at the airportAnd I thought I'd go to sleepBut then I saw the stewardessWalking down the aisleShe was in full uniformAnd wearing a false smileThat pretendment of enjoymentStirred something in my headIt reminded me of all the girlsI'd ever got in bedHer skin was bright orangeAnd her hair was bleached blondeBut the moment that I saw herI knew we had a bondAir hostess, I confessI'm feeling a little stressedAir hostess, I professWon't you help me lose my mess?All it takes is a shakeOf your digits round my snakeFailing that I'll have a coffeeAnd a dried-up piece of cakeSongtexteAnd then the bloke beside me wokeAnd he had halitosisSo I wedged my cock into a sockTo prevent deep-vein thrombosisAnd then the stewardess appearedWith our airline mealI wish she'd drop her trolleysAnd give my cock a feelI'm not a member of the mile high clubBut I don't think wanks applySo I thought some chat up linesMight be worth a tryI made a joke about plain crispsAnd then undid my flyAnd my impression of an elephantSeemed to catch her eyeAir hostess, I confessI'm feeling a little stressedAir hostess, I professWon't you help me lose my mess?All it takes is a shakeOf your digits round my snakeFailing that I'll have a coffeeAnd a dried-up piece of cakeAir hostess, I confessI'm feeling a little stressedAir hostess, I professWon't you help me lose my mess?It's not a joke, I'd be stokedIf I could give your chuff a pokeFailing that, I'll have some shrink-wrapped nutsAnd a tiny can of Coke Aus Songtexte Mania